The saddest game ever. And I haven't even finished it.
02.06.18
E01:22
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Music o' the Entry:
"To Zanarkand", "Auron's Theme", "Suteki da ne", Final Fantasy X
Time to state one fact: I do believe I am going batshit over this game and I don't know why; seriously, I'm truly 0wNz0rd. Perhaps it's because it's excellent? Since school ended on Thursday for me, I have become quite the sedentary beast, fully intent on playing my game and glad of it. So where to start? Okay, first off, for my readers who haven't played the game (which is almost a year old from its release in Japan at this moment), I shall write my squealing commentary in white, so highlightation is optional. Don't worry, I shall speak of other things as well. Here we go:
Dear crap, this is by far the most depressing game I've ever played in my life. Which, if you know the way I work, is a plus, because I always seem drawn to tragic things; strange sense of aesthetics, eh? So naturally I'm...responding well to it. Meaning I'm crying. No, not right now, but I've cried embarrassingly often at this game, thank you music. I suppose it's just a thing I do, cry at games. I've a history of such, I believe the first one was Megaman X for the SNES in which I cried when Zero died. Now I can't listen to the Sigma's Fortress song from that game without a strange feeling bubbling up. But anyway, back to the subject at hand: the "Suteki da ne" theme is destroying my soul. Sort of. Those of you who've read the Japan Entries (located in my archives at the top bar, if you're curious) know that I first heard it on the radio in Japan (either the Yusen or the Oricon channel, dunno which) and immediately fell in love with this beautiful sad song and summarily purchased it (the single), perhaps one of my best Japan purchases, but that's a subject for another day. And I appreciated it for its sound alone. Of course, then I went at looked up the translation: BAD IDEA. Also keep in mind that my stay in Japan last summer was a bit emotionally trying at parts and one will always interpret a song as it relates to them; it's why we like songs, ne? They can always seem personal, despite the intent...but anyway, the lyrics of the song greatly applied to me, particularly the last stanza:
Sono kao
sotto furete
asa ni tokeru
yume miru
...which basically translates to: "That face/touch it carefully/and dream a dream/that melts in the morning". Can we see where this is going? So yeah, a summary of that tangent could be that I have a serious emotional attachment to the song, before I'd even played the game, and it's carrying over. I'm at the part where I'm fighting Yunalesca in the Zanarkand Dome (yay ChronoTrigger?), so I'm aware I'm not terribly far from the end of the game, which I should finish so that I might discuss it with Matt, who finished it in Japanese before it came here. However, since I'm at that part of the game, I also know what the words of the song mean...and that makes it even sadder. Then there's how it's frequently a background theme to the game...even the music in Besaid, "Sight of Spira", in its low-key, invokes that quality of restrained, resigned, sadness that Yuna possesses, always reminding of what she must do. Of course, that's changed now, that she basically told Yunalesca to shove her Final Aeon and Yunalesca responded with a "Tee hee, let's kill you"...but yes, it's been a relatively emotional game for me, and I'm tempted to throw caution to the wind and purchase both the "Suteki da ne" piano sheet music single and the OST; still, I know I need to save, so I shan't.
Ah, the OST; Matt owns it (as he does every Final Fantasy OST, save for XI; together we've quite the impressive game music collection), so I've listened to it, though I haven't really paid attention, as he always has music on anyway when we're at his house, but the other night he played me "Auron's Theme" over the phone and...yeah, I about squirted myself on the spot, and thought about buying the OST (I'm currently downloading that song to tide me over until I do have funds. It shall be mine, oh yes). It's just a good song, and it makes me wish to learn more of Auron, why he's the way he is. In the Zanarkand Dome I'm seeing flashbacks of he, Braska, and Jecht (who is a colossal ass, by the way), and at one point after Braska and Jecht have gone to see Yunalesca for Jecht to become a fayth, memory-Auron stays behind and freaks out, which present-Auron goes and repeatedly stabs past self. Uh, yeah...still, I'm sure I'll find out later. But Auron's them is also inspiring me, as I'll speak of later. But anyway, that's all the FFX rant for now. Back to our regularly scheduled program.
So now about how "Auron's Theme" is an inspiration to me: ladies and gentlemen, I had a dream. Which is a relatively common occurrence with me, though I'm not terribly good at recalling them. However, this is one of those right peculiar ones that get stuck in my head, that has some facet that makes it special and is one of the ones that usually gives rise to my stories of limited notoriety. And it's all because of a character in a play, who is named Idee. A weird name if you ask me, not one I would voluntarily give a character, but I don't really have a choice when the bastiches name themselves, you know? Inconsiderate. But anyway, the dream was that I was apparently in a play (I am not a thespian on any level, other than my innate drama), a short one, and a small part, playing a character named Idee, who had...it was either a sister or friend, I don't recall, who was played by Christina Ricci, who some of you know I find quite attractive...but anyway, we had a part where we went on a picnic and had our throats slashed...which is irrelevent, because it WAS a play, but I specifically remember the clothing I wore as Idee (which is pronounced like "idea" witout the "a"; pretty much how it's spelled)...the long lacy black dress I wore for my senior pictures in the photo with the stained-glass window in the background, and that my hair was dyed black (though now it's a blackish purple on the bottom, fading red on the main part, and the crown is rearing it's nasty light brown roots, which interestingly does not match my [yellow] complexion at all. Hooray for natural colours? But yes, I'll be dying it burgundy soon again), tied back half-up, and I believe it was straight (my hair was straight before I was 11, after which it decided curls are more fun, for which I am NOT grateful)...but anyway, for some reason this character of Idee has stuck with me, I feel a story coming on. I don't know anything about it yet, as my stories are perfectly happy to develop at their own pace, regardless of any ideas I have of the matter, but I can tell you that Idee already has an innate "darkness", if you will, and likely shall kill people. Not unusual for a tale of my devising, though. I'll keep ye all posted, for it's my blog and I'll write what I please.
In other news, Matt has been digging up translations of Xenosaga and I am pleased to say that the game seems to be brimming with bizarre religious references and is completely insane...actually, for some reason it seems to possess a form of insanity in the vein of Utena, whic is a good thing. However, 40-minute cut scenes? Eeto...well, we'll see.
Did you know that yes in Czech is "ano" and no is "ne"? Not exactly easy for one who studies Japanese to deal with. Oy.
Anyway, nexy subject, and a less than pleasant one at that: work. Yes, I started a new job, at a pizza place, which I thought would be far superior to working at the burger joint. OOPS. I was under the impression that I'd be cooking...but now I answer phones and take orders. Which is a very very bad thing, because I likely have some form of social anxiety disorder along with my myriad of others...basically, I'm terrified of people and very much shy away from using the phone at home; I have a very limited circle of folk whom I feel comfortable speaking to via the telephone. So in short, work is one big fat blob of trauma and stress and I wish not to return. I suppose I should've anticipated it, being a new entry-level employee, but it's still awful. It makes me appreciate the office job I had last autumn, I could just sit at my table, do my work, no one was concerned of it, I didn't anger people because I'm too slow and/or don't know what to do. Dammit, what ever happened to the notion of quality? Because "quality" doesn't come quickly, my people, so I can go slow and screw up your order something purty or you can wait. But I've already learned something valuable for work: if you're a deaf old lady, please don't order pizzas via phone, and this applies to all folk: If you're using a special or a coupon of some sort, for the love of crap TELL ME, don't get all bent out of shape when I tell you the price I THOUGHT you meant because you said nothing else...YARG. ptards. So yes, work is now my source of fear and loathing...all I can hope is that gets better soon...of course, then again my first day of work was also a Friday evening so everyone and their dog was ordering...today's a Sunday, so perhaps it'll be less so. I don't know, work is just making me very unhappy and I fear it's washing into my personal life, as I'm not very good with keeping anything that affects me emotional under control.
But yes, so that's what's going on right now, plus I'm not feeling terribly good; stress has caused ulcers to break out in my mouth, and do to super-fun menstrual things I've not been able to exercise so much...although have decided to renew my interest in playing the piano, and my current task for the summer is to master "Dancing Mad" from my Final Fantasy VI piano book, and to do "Suteki da ne" as well if I purchase it...wish me luck. More later, folks.
chronos
Ekairos
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