So now I'm a priestess?
02.01.26
E21:12
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Music o' The Entry: "Suteki da ne" (Orchestra Version), Final Fantasy X
Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, THIS comes along. Ye gods, I am OWNED. Actually, there's a ton of ownage going on, but I feel compelled to give mad props to this song: my readers from the summer know that I fell madly in love with this wistful wrenching object of beauty on the Yusen channel (Japanese radio) and have developed an emotional attachment to it, much like "Radical Dreamers", particularly due to circumstances while I was there. The original is beautiful, but this...I heard it off of Matt's FFX OSV and I was immediately forced to download it, so now I'm currently soaking it. Simply said, this is an incredible song. The music itself accurately conveys the mood, but I encourage those of you who care to look up a translation. The strangest part of this is my attachment to the song and I've not even played FFX yet, thanks to a distinct lack of PS2 (will soon though)...indeed, it's that highly recommended, gorgeous sad powerful song, though not overwhelming (I think). My only complaint is one I frequently have in regards to sad songs-LEAVE THEM SAD. I have an extreme and frequent dislike for songs that are all nice and sad and depressing, just how I like them-the ending melds into a major chord. This is not right. The song is sad, I expect it to stay that way, blimey. Otherwise, go listen to this, it's simply lovely.
And of course, we have to have the obligatory other blob of musical news-what, you expected me not to? Don't be ridiculous. Love Psychedelico's "Love Psychedelic Orchestra" has arrived at my home and been in my hot little hands, have listened to it, and the verdict is this: holy crap, Love Psychedelico rocks like no other. The music is in the same style as their first album, "The Greatest Hits", which is just fine with me. There are a couple of songs on there that are just plain awesome and have taken possession of my soul, such as "Standing Bird", "Dry Town", and to a lesser extent, "I Will Be With You" and "You Ate It". I should also mention track four, "green", a guitar solo that leads straight into my favourite song on the entire CD, "Dry Town". It's rather slow, not nearly as fast as "Last Smile", more sad. I think I'm allergic to happy music, unless it's insane (think TM Revolution). This also for some reason reminds me vaguely of "House of the Rising Sun", another longtime favourite of mine...it reminds me of being is an empty place, desertish, with the sun bearing down, but you can't escape, ever, from a prison of your own devising, something is forcing you to stay and suffer. Perhaps you deserve it. And along with you are many others who can't escape from their own private prisons as well, so you all just sit, throats parched and burning, in a state near to death, but you just cannot die...so you're resigned to your miserable fate. Indeed, I have rather vivid mental pictures, ne? Oh well, I've never pretended not to be morbid. I haven't seen nor attempted to translate the lyrics so I dunno precisely what they're speaking of (save for there is some bit about the sun)...excellent excellent stuff, if you dig Love Psychedelico you will be a very happy child, I guarantee, heaven knows I am. So go listen to "Dry Town" and I'll leave you alone...how smashing.
Since I haven't done it in such a while, here are some strange test results of a game I've not yet played but seriously need to:
Take the Persona 2 Personality Quiz
Congratulations, you're Tatsuya Suou! You may act cold, strong, and self-sufficient, but you're really just trying to push your loved ones away. You feel you've already let them down before, so you'd rather just fix things on your own. The last thing you want is for the people you care about to be hurt, but what about YOURSELF? Stop being so fatalistic. You're not as alone as you think you are. But damn, that red outfit sure does look cool...
Uh, yay? I dunno. Still, that sounds vaguely like me in some respects, so I suppose it's all good. Or something.
How sad, I wish I had something exciting to report about my life as of late, but nothing of such caliber has occurred as of late. School's school, really. San-nensei nihongo didn't really go very well last Thursday (it's a two credit class). We switched groups and now Matt and I are together, along with another girl, which is okay. I get the impression that she dislikes me, that she thinks I'm a Japanese know-it-all, which makes absolutely no sense because I know my Japanese sucks and if anything I overemphasize my ineptitude. Hell, anyone who actually knows anything about Japanese knows I'm moderately awful ("awful" encompasses everything below fluency)...oh well, she likes Matt so we sort of get along. In the third year conversation class, she gives us topics that we're to all discuss and then present in the next class. The topic of this day was what we look for in our ideal man/woman. Obviously, our group makeup felt very strange (keep in mind that our Japanese class is rather dense and hasn't quite picked up that Matt and I are together for some inexplicable reason), the girl who was picked the group leader wasn't very talkative (not a desirable quality when one is supposed to lead a discussion, methinks), plus we had sensei hanging over our heads...it was very peculiar and didn't result in much speaking. I tried, and then got confused whenever sensei was talking about my ideal man and I tried to specify that this was for my ideal man OR woman...ha, what a stupid little fag. Still, conversation didn't go well so after class sensei chastised Matt and I, how we were the only second-year students (everyone else is post-third year and will be graduating very soon), how we take the class to practice speaking...I attempted to explain it to her delicately, but she wasn't really listening so much. Oh well, I'm sure I'll live, I just felt inadequate. Because I was inadequate. And it was bad enough that someone had to tell me. That's inexcusable, I refuse to accept it. I suppose I just have to study more...but it still feels like it it's never enough, perhaps I should sign up for a Japanese tutor...but I don't know how much good it will do. Have I finally gotten myself in over my head? Pompous little girl, thinks she's good enough when she's truly woefully inadequate, never good enough...so it's been bothering me. Other classes have been okay, had first astronomy test. I noticed on the top of the test it read: Physics 121, Descriptive Astronomy. Oooh crap. Keep in mind, boys and girls, that the last time Sho studied physics was in junior high and that was at the corresponding level. What the crap am I doing in there? Oh well, it seems to be going well, just the lectures are boring, due to that we're studying pure physics currently, not so much applied to astronomy at the moment. It's so sad, nobody pays any attention the professor, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy who truly enjoys what he does. Quite the chudak indeed, I should make him a fruit basket. So lately I try to pay attention, just because I feel awful for the guy, what a thankless job. 'Course, it doesn't help that Matt and I sit there mocking people in Japanese most of the time because we're antisocial cretins of the highest order.
Oh, got some LOVELY news-voyaged to Ye Olde Ghettolicious High School and was informed by my jackass of a counselor that I have to take yet another physical education class. I suppose this is my due reward to being a music student while I resided at the high school, but I was under the impression that everything was taken care of, I only asked of him again because of how pleasantly he's screwed over a number of other folk. YARG. Hence, I rearranged my scheduled for next quarter and am going to be taking Japanese 203, English 170 (because my counselor is full of crap and refuses to let me take the class I bloody well tested into), possibly Japanese 396 for the third time, my PE, and Music and the Humanities, to satisfy a fine arts credit. Fine arts credit? Ye gods people, I have fine arts credits oozing from my pores, I think this is more than slightly unnecessary, also seeing as nearly all my spare dollars go to feed my sick music addiction. I was planning on enrolling in the Introduction to Religion class, even with the pompous ass of a professor, but that's kinda screwed now...bah. I cannot wait until I'm done with general requirements. Of course, following that, I have to work on my non-existent major, which is a problem...oy. School is the devil.
As a result of all my speakings with Matt (basically, we never ever shut up and both of our schedules suffer, sometimes severely for it), I have come to a new Soba theory, of how I feel about Soba: it basically is religious devotion. This is how most of my relationships are based. No, I do not consciously think of Soba or the other person in question as a deity, but my reaction to them is the same, quasi-religious. When I like a person, I throw my entire self into the process; in effect, I construe my function in life (assuming there is one) into pleasing them, to making them happy, regardless of their treatment of me, which is simply not an issue. I become so happy to stand in their shadow, perfectly content to toss away any and all potential I have for anything to do even the tiniest thing to please them. This is what occurred with Soba, on an extreme level. To me, this behavior is startlingly, disturbingly similar to that of one of a religious order, forsaking the world to please the one he or she serves, depriving his or herself of all else, willingly, and being pleased with it. That can't be healthy. Now I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship where things are mutual, where Matt discourages this sort of behavior...perhaps I do regard Soba as a sort of demigod, someone who's existence is redesigned the terrain of my psyche. Does this make sense at all to anyone? It's probably one of the crazier, sadder things...how strange I am. Of course, when taking all these parts into consideration, one sees why I am often hurt-it's stupid to be that way, stupid to allow yourself to attach yourself so, to attach your self-worth to a person...I don't know. Oy. But now I've gotten things clarified somewhat in my mind-I suppose I had made myself into some sort of strange "priestess of Soba". I don't know if that's too extreme of an analogy, if so not by so much. How amusing.
Ah well, need to run, possibly more later.
chronos
Ekairos
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