The Last Song.
01.08.28
・01:02
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Music o` the Entry: "Everyday at the Bus Stop", Tommy february6
So it`s over. Everything is over now-the only things left for me in the morning are to awaken, eat breakfast, finish up my last minute packing (hoping fervently that my suitcases don`t weigh too much o_o;;;...oy, a bloody nightmare that would be...), do...something, then get on a bus bound for Kitaguchi station, take the Airport Limousine to Kansai International for my 4th trip across the Pacific, and then get on that plane that will spirit me to Seattle-Tacoma Airport, back to the native English-speaking world. Well, actually, there`s a little more-tonight I`m going to go visit my favourite Sunkus employees to pick up some suika juice, because they love me so very much.
I suppose y`all want to know how this morning went...disappointing. Still, it could`ve been worse. Maybe. Like I said I would, rode my bike over to Higashi for the third and final time around 11:40 AM, because classes ended at 12:20. Parked, carefully looked around the area for Ueda`s distinctive brilliant red bike-it was there. One prospective hurdle down. Went inside the building, just to look around for old time`s sake-the library was open, so I sat and very briefly read over some of the latest editions of the English Yomiuri Shimbun. Then it was time, in the immortal words of Kyouko. I went outside and stood on the other side of the wall, right next to where the bike parking garage was-I can`t be seen from someone coming down the hall, so I freaked out a lot of people who just turned around and saw the repeated ryuugakusei standing there silently, looking for all the world like a stalker -_-, how appropriate. Still, I saw a couple of my classmates, smiled and told them "sayonara"-I wonder if they noticed the finality of it? Probably not, but oh well-they`ll forget me soon enough. And waited, waited for Naoya, because I expected him to come out pretty quick after classes ended-he`s like that, quite punctual and predictable; Ueda`s rather popular, so he stands around and talks. Except he didn`t come out-Naoya, I mean. Ueda DID-like everyone else, he merely looked around and then his startled blue-eyed gaze fell on me-he said hello, and I managed to stumble out something in Japanese that he understood to mean "Uh, do you have a sec?" (keep in mind by this time I had thoroughly psyched myself out and was borderline freaking, so I wasn`t too coherent in ANY language)...he came over, smiling unsurely, not quite certain what I wanted. "Ikitai yo." (I want to go.) "Doko?" "Kare no ie." "Haa?" "Kare no ie." "Dare?" I whispered, barely saying "Soba...kyou wa saigo." He nodded sadly, smiled, and then asked me if I knew how to get to Soba`s house. 何? Come again? Am I SUPPOSED to know where he lives? I guess so...I told him no, and he said "Wakatta," then told me to wait a second while he did some business on the phone. I leaned up with my back against the wall, letting it support me, me with my hands hugging my arms and bag to my chest, holding onto whatever I could grasp, I suppose. He came back, and told me Soba was...travelling. Ha? I`m not really sure what he meant (he said it in English)-I think he meant Soba was just out of the house, not like, hauling around a suitcase or anything...he said he was sorry, and I nodded absently, not really listening to him or anything. I thanked him, and told him goodbye, and Ueda left. I sat there for a few minutes, just staring across the street blankly. Well, THAT went splendid, でしょ？ I went back to the school, sat on the little bench outside under the trees, and waited for Naoya. Who never came. Yes, I`m serious-I didn`t see either of them, after all my agonizing. After about 20 minutes of sitting, I got tired and decided it was time to leave, to leave Higashi and everything connected with it behind for good. So I did. The ride home was slow, much slower than I usually go-probably because I wasn`t really paying attention, except to the sidestreets in the Naruo district, because I was forcing myself to not go down them-it wouldn`t do any good.
Came home and told Yuri about what happened over a cold glass of mugicha-she was disappointed, but she was glad that I didn`t get sick (she worries too much about my health). She was busy practicing essays once again for her TOEFL exam, so I told her we could go karaoking whenever she wanted to...I went upstairs, curled up on my futon, and went to sleep. And dreamt of Soba. Which is weird, because my dreams contain him VERY rarely-you`d think he`d have taken up permanent residence in my dreams or something, but I almost never have dreams with him in them, truly-I guess he hangs out too much in my conscious to be in my subconscious, ね？ It was beautiful and weird-for some reason, I was speaking Japanese throughout the entire thing and he was speaking English...um, okay? All I know is I was very happy to see him...I woke up to Yuri shaking me worriedly, saying how I wouldn`t wake up, how I had been sleeping for 3 hours, how we had to leave soon if we wanted to karaok before it got expensive (the later it gets, the prices skyrocket)...so I got up. Even though I could`ve slept all day. I suppose it`s alright to seek solace from the real world in sleep for a time, because it eases the pain, but you have to get out sometime, so I did.
We were planning to go to this karaoke place where we had never been before (rare for us in Nishinomiya, we`re karaoke queens), but the bastards were closed (Yuri yelled out a very fine "FUCK YOU!" at the building and flipped them off-I swear, I haven`t laughed so hard in a long time, it`s so appropriate) so we went to...Imazu. Yes, Imazu-Yuri asked me if was okay, knowing that being in certain areas can be painful for me, but I said it would be fine; I have to face all this eventually, ne? So we went to Imazu. To the same karaoke place that Nao-kun and I went. Yeah, it felt a little strange, but it was okay. I was disappointed though, they had changed their karaoke books and they didn`t have ANYTHING-no "Suteki da ne", no "Lhasa" (which is very weird, they did have a La`cryma Christi section), they didn`t even have a Malice Mizer SECTION for the love of everything holy. Vocal highlights of this trip included Yuri`s rousing performance of Morning Musume`s "Love Revolution 21", myself attempting to do "Bohemian Rhapsody" solo while not laughing at the weirdo karaoke video, 花＊花`s "さよなら大好きな人”, since we all enjoy incredibly depressing music, and my personal favourite today, L`Arc~en~Ciel`s darkwave child, "侵食〜lose control〜”-screw "Honey", THIS is good stuff boys and girls. Plus I get to make that fun growling/moaning noise hyde makes; THIS is what comes of listening to too much Dir en grey, I swear. Oh yeah, Yuri and I concluded our merry little excursion with everyone`s favourite, "Lifetime Respect", aka "ISSHO ISSHO NI DE KUREYA~!" Oh, and of course "Everyday at the Bus Stop", we couldn`t forget it now, could ye? Ah, how I`ll miss karaoking-I love it to death, yes I do.
On the way home (by this time it was about 6:45 or so in the eve), I decided I would go stop by Ashitaba to pick up some food (karaoking was a lot cheaper than I had anticipated, so I had money) and to tell everyone goodbye. When I got there, I was disappointed by the distinct lack of one Mr. Kanda, but Anime-Guy and one of the other guys was there, so it was cool. They had my traditional yakisoba to go already sitting on the counter in it`s box, knowing I would come. They asked me if I was sad about going back, so we chatted a little...Anime-Guy disappeared into the back, and came out yelling "Sho! Omiyage!" Ha? I didn`t expect this, I was just wanting to ask for an Ashitaba shirt. It turned out that they all pooled some money and bought me an anime shirt, a Cowboy Bebop shirt, to be exact-how very appropriate ^_^. I couldn`t believe it, I just sort of stood there babbling and gaping, while Anime-Guy asked me about Cowboy Bebop, if I knew it, if it was popular in the US. He got it out and showed it to me, telling me he picked a green one because all I ever wear is black. I smiled and squealed, thanking them profusely then whipping out my camera and taking a nice little picture (I wanted to get the Ashitaba sign in it, but I couldn`t-oh well, I saved my back today) and scaring a lady who came over get food. Then we all said our goodbyes, them telling me good luck (in English *^_^*), wishing me a good trip back, and me the same, and telling them to tell everyone there bye for me. I left Ashitaba smiling like a freak, carrying my yakisoba (which they gave to me for half-price) and shirt gleefully. I felt everyone in the other stores around on the basement floor looking at me like I was insane, but I didn`t care-it`s my last day, I`m entitled to be stupid; besides, the Ashitaba people made me a very happy Sho, and I`ll miss them (Misha, you are so going over there when you get here, be sure to tell them who sent you and that I said hi ^_^). At least this day wasn`t all painful, thanks to them-they don`t know how much I needed something like that today.
On my way and during dinner/lunch (お母さん prepared tempura tonight, so I had both some of that and yakisoba-I skipped lunch when I was upstairs sacrificing myself to the Lord of Dreams), I thought about Soba and Naoya, how nothing worked remotely how it was supposed to. How I didn`t get to say goodbye. And decided to call them. Because it doesn`t matter anymore-instead of myself, my biggest enemy right now is time, which is currently clocked at...around 16-17 hours left in Japan, before my plane is scheduled to leave. So I did, I waited until about 10, so Soba would be done "travelling". Called Naoya first, around 9:45-no one at his house was home, the machine picked up. I didn`t leave a message. Next, Soba-again, I started mildly freaking out, and forced myself to hammer out his familiar phone number, this time quite a few digits shorter than it is in the US, and clutch the phone...it rang. And rang. Yes, same as Naoya-not a soul home, at least not answering the phone. I let it ring at least 10 times, just for good measure, but nothing. I almost want to ask him to come to Kitaguchi station tomorrow, before I get on my pink Airport Limousine, but I don`t think he will-he has no reason to, himself, other than the fact that I`m drunkenly obsessed with him; certainly not a good reason, I think, nor one he`d come for. Gods, he lives like, 20 minutes away-I can`t ask him to do that. My bus leaves at 11:30 tomorrow-I will call his home around 11...even though I cannot see him, I can comfort myself by hearing his voice one last time...and I will be glad. So that`s what I have to do tomorrow.
I`m pretty much packed-just have to pack up things like my toothbrush, things I`ll use tomorrow-all my bags are brimming with crap. I am truly worried that my suitcases will weigh too much, and I haven`t the foggiest what I`ll do if that happens...we`ll just hope that doesn`t happen ne? I have my clothes all laid out, my favourite jeans, my Serial Experiments Lain shirt, my short boots (I almost want to wear my big ones because that`d make more room in my suitcase, but that would NOT be a good idea)...Hiroshi`s room is starting to look sadly bare again, it seems weird not to have my crap thrown wildly around the room anymore, shopping bags piled up against the wall, various manga everywhere, empty CD cases. And Yuri`s room is a bit emptier too, in the morning we`ll take my futon out and then it will feel strange. I wonder how Yuri feels about having me move out? Is she sick of me by now? Yeah, we`re great friends, but I`m sure it must be tiring to have me living here for so very long-I`ve tried my best to give her air, some privacy in her own room, to stick to myself somewhere-I didn`t want to suffocate her. So I hope I didn`t. The Matsumoto`s have been beyond kind to have let me live here free of charge, only helping out around the house upon occasion...I am so grateful I got to come back to Japan. This trip...was exponentially more wonderful. Thanks in no small part to them, 私の日本人家族。 And to my friends-Kyouko, E-chan, Ei-chan, all the Yuko`s, Ueda, Naoya, Kumi-chan, Miwa-chan, all the workers at Ashitaba, the rest of the Brass Club...all of you who`ll never hear me, who touched me, thank you so so much; I love you all. And to Yuri, my best friend in Japan; this girl knows far more about me than she ever wanted to, I imagine ::wry smile::. It`s so bizarre, how out of all the people in the exchange program we`d get thrown together, two people who get along perfectly and are so eerily similar it`s freaky sometimes...we often wonder about it ourselves. ありがとうごじました、みんあさまーmore than you`ll ever know. And to my parents, who`ll (I hope ^^;) never read this-thank you for letting your crazy 17-year-old daughter come over to the other side of the world all by herself again.
Ahh, "Suteki da ne" just came on the Oricon station-how appropriate. Ikitai yo, kimi no machi, ie, ude no naka~...yeah, I got as far as your town, tried to get to your house...your arms? No. Never for me. Ah, Soba Soba Soba...the things you`ll never know...I`m so glad I met you, my beautiful beautiful muse, who haunted me for a year. You have no idea, you never will. No, it wasn`t always fun; sometimes I don`t understand why you do the things you do...sometimes it hurt. A lot. But even though it did, I am so glad that I got to see you one last time. Now comes the hard part-trying to forget, to move on; but we`re not going to think about that tonight. That can be for another night...tonight, I am just...glad to have known you. Oh, that you could hear me...how ironic that "soba" means "near", doesn`t it? Now, "Radical Dreamers" will start to apply again-the skies aren`t quite so distant at the moment...but I think you need a new song. Yes. "Lhasa."
So, I`m going to go to Sunkus, and then to bed minna-san; my last night here for you, maybe yes, maybe no? Nahh, I need to stop that, breaking out into song randomly all the time...gotta go minna, all this is getting to me, and I don`t want anyone to wake up and see me with my face all puffy. Besides, I`m still going to go to Sunkus. So, that was the last entry of -bloodwing-: japan edition. Tomorrow is a new day, the first day of the rest of my life (I`ve always hated that cliche), and the end of...something. I`ll miss Japan. But I have a family, and friends who will be there to greet me, and I need to smile for them. So, お休みなさい-wish me luck, for I`ll be back in the US all too soon, and back at school, my head whirling from the change of scenery...さよなら。
Sayonara, aishita taisetsu na hito...
Sayonara, mou deau koto wo, dekinai kedo...
Sayonara, daisuki na hito...
I want to be with you now, futari de distance...
Am I wrong to cry? But I know, it`s not wrong, to sing the last song...`cause forever fades.
~"Sayonara", C. Gackt; "Lhasa", La`cryma Christi; "Sayonara Daisuki na Hito", Hana*Hana; "Final Distance", Utada Hikaru; "The Last Song", X-Japan.
~fin~
chronos
・kairos
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