Lord of the Rings.
02.01.05
・00:31
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Music o' The Entry: "Final Sewer" (ChronoTrigger Sewer Arrangement/Remix), Mustin
Just looked at the current Oricon charts and I must say I'm wildly disappointed-very few of the songs look vaguely interesting, mostly standard pop crap, sappy-sounding pop crap. Haven't heard so much (oh well, there goes the whole "informed opinion" thing out the window), but the fact that Gackt's "12月のLove Song" (December's Love Song, or Love Song of December. Take yer pick.) is on there, various piles of Ayumi Hamasaki tripe (the child's beginning to grate on my nerves more and more, how much more can I take?)...still, I think the biggest confirmation I receive is that Mr. Children's "君が好き" ("Kimi ga Suki", roughly "I Love/Like You") is STILL sitting at the number one position. Then again, this IS Mr.Children, so even if it sucks to high heaven, everyone will like it just because of who's responsible for it. Yarg. Oh well. Yet my ears are saved by the joy that is the piece I'm currently listening to, available as a sort of "Christmas gift" from the Project Majestic Mix folks. Very very Sho-ish, which some may take as a warning: contains harpsichords, jackhammers, very brassy trumpetishness, accordians, and more. No, I'm not kidding, it rocks, trust me on this, I'm totally into the entire harpsichord and accordian thing, particularly together. Now, if we had some falsettos...
Okay, I'll stop now, promise I'll be good for a couple more paragraphs. Ah, high school, an utter delight as usual. Wrote up my outline on Japanese language right quick, invented a bibliography to prove the hours I've dedicated to research, proceeded to sleep. Took it to school, teacher was delighted and wasn't giving me the evil eye this time. Seriously, the woman has a distinct dislike for me, so I was quite surprised by her behavior. Went to friends' homeroom as I so often do, saw Beautiful-child-in-math-class and for once did not freak out, be proud. I actually think I'm becoming accustomed to it, or that the influence of Matt is making things better. Either way, it's a welcome change not to have memories that taste like bile coming up at the mere sight of him. Now, I simply appreciate what a lovely specimen he is. Truly, a stunning example of male beauty, at least in my humble opinion. Not for me, but I'm perfectly content to appreciate him from a distance. Ye gods, are we actually seeing vestiges of the concept of "getting over it" at work? How monumentous and perhaps...refreshing. Let's hope I can keep this up, for the sakes of all parties involved. But anyways, didn't stick around too long at school, went to homeroom, paid off some of my sizable library fine (losing textbooks is not a good thing, I assure you. Particularly large and thick ones.), and then went home. Don't really remember so much after that, but that was high school. I always feel so very strange when I enter, the walls plastered with all the distinctive posters (those of you reading this who attend my high school know what I mean) advertising all those high schoolish events...I feel detached and annoyed simultaneously. Has college made me more bitter and cynical? Probably, but it's all good. It's nice to see my friends, but as for the school itself, I dislike visiting there in the extreme...oh well, not really an issue anymore, so no sense dwelling on it.
Last night was the conclusion to a rather nice week, last one of vacation before I go back to school on Monday: appointment with Lord of the Rings and Matt, actually. Indeed, he met my mother and brother (my sibling didn't make very much of an appearance, I was surprised until later my father revealed that they had threatened him with violence from me if he did anything. Which is pretty accurate, despite that I was not consulted beforehand), and I'm pleased to say that no one hates each other. I was slightly worried, but I'm always so. Got to area we needed to be considerably early, wandered around, ate food, and then watched movie. The food was...the questionable part. No, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, far from it: I love spending time with Matt. However, you combine two elements here that aren't particular favourites of mine: a) I don't relish eating in front of people, due to severe self-image paranoia that's probably ridiculous (ah, but it's just not quite ridiculous enough to make me shrug it off. Lovely.) b) Matt likes looking at me. Which is natural enough I suppose, I should take it as a compliment, despite whether or not I can fathom why anyone would want to perform such an act. Together, these result in much uncomfortableness for me. He knew it too, and so we discussed it a bit. Another related issue to this is eye contact; it's not something I really like doing, due to resulting nervousness. If I accidentally make eye contact with a stranger, I will immediately look down...this is not good. But prolonged eye contact for me seems too intense, I s'pose that's best description I can come up with it. Ah well, just things I'll have to deal with, as usual. Anyways, after dinner came movie. I liked what I saw, which wasn't all. See, I was an idiot, as I so often am, and wasn't really paying all that much attention to the film for approximately the last hour and a half. I was busy sitting and stewing, worrying. Worrying about Matt and myself, how I don't want to screw this up, that's something's going right for a change. After the movie, he remarked that I seemed "out of it", and commented on noticing my sleeping...trust me, the sounds of dying orcs are fairly repellent to the act of sleep, I likely couldn't have if I tried. I responded with noncommital grunts, and he seemed vaguely concerned, particularly since during the movie I'd been rather cold (I can be extremely clingy, and was completely detached. Of course, this also has to do with my feelings on public displays of affection [It's okay for other people, within reason, but I avoid it like the plague, to the point of strangness] We spoke on the drive back to my area of the city, and decided to stop for coffee before I had to be home. There, we discussed everything and came to the conclusion that we're both idiots, but everything was cleared up. Today I found out that I was on the rag and had experienced my traditional pre-menstrual emotional freak-out fest about absolutely nothing. So opinion on the movie is good. No, I haven't read the books, dunno if I will. Possibly later, but for some reason I feel I'd feel cheap if I read them now. It's not like I couldn't have any time before now, my father's owned his copies of the series that sit downstairs on brown shelves prior to my existence. Maybe I am a nihilist. Ew. And I like Legolas. As for why...well, actually, I liked Aragorn too, both seemed likeable characters (most of the hobbits irritated me, the dwarf reminded me of one of my uncles uncomfortably, and the other human was quite dislikable), but Legolas gets extra points because he's quite pretty and I like biseinen. Hey, I never pretended to be deep, I think it's perfectly justified. Gandalf was also pretty darn spiffy, I enjoy wizards. As for Frodo...it's a seemingly positive if ironic feeling. Not admiration, because sometimes I feel like him; he's very nonconfrontational, despises being resigned to his fate, and runs. Frequently. That or he wants to. Another observation was that that elf place in the forest very strongly reminded me of Facinaturu from SaGa Frontier, albeit with a slightly different colour scheme (not nearly as heavy on the violets). Which is good, I dig that atmosphere greatly. But still, the best part of the evening was getting to be with Matt. It'll be nice when school starts, we've seen each other precious little over the break, proportionally. I try not to speak of him in a pathetic way, but it's difficult to. We're currently thinking up stupid excuses to see each other on the weekend, we'll likely go attack arcades one day and we're going to cook okonomiyaki. Still, my family, now aware of his existence and status (well, sort of), is getting a bit hen-I think the age thing is bothering them a lot more than they let on. Hopefully they'll let up when I turn 18, it's just a short time away now (11 days, actually, but I'm not counting). They assume that just because he's 21 he's going to attempt to entice me into bed, when we've both already discussed this (but that wouldn't freak 'em out) and it's already become very apparent that I'm the hormone-drive psycho in this relationship...it's definitely not Matt they need to be worrying about. Of course, explaining to your parents that their up-until-this-point-thought-of innocent/vaguely asexual daughter has a scary libido is not something I really feel like doing. Oy. Ah well, things will get better...they have to. I don't want to keep feeling like I'm clutching claws-dug-in tenaciously to something that threatens to slip away from me from no fault of my own or Matt's, but I can't help it. I despise insecurity.
Listened to a song I downloaded off RPGamer, entitled "The Dream That Will Soon End", inspired by Final Fantasy X (obviously, seeing as it's dealing with "Suteki da ne"). I want this game. I will soon play this game, as a close friend of mine very recently purchased it. The colours and the atmosphere don't exactly suit me (I prefer distinct atmospheres, this is not one of them. Think sharply sterile laboratories, things of the Nightmare Before Christmas variety, the tension in the entire Kingdom of Zeal sequence from ChronoTrigger, the opening credits of Final Fantasy VI, things darkly beautiful. That or just insane.), but just the musical theme (I've now heard the entire OSV, courtesy Matt. Gee, who would've guessed.), the whole "Suteki da ne" thing, makes me want to play this game. The title of that song, "The Dream That Will Soon End", makes me want to play it, because it's likely going to be horrendously depressing, which I'll revel in. I'm sick that way. How very ironic that it came out when it did in Japan. "Suteki da ne", anthem to something that maybe I'm not so certain that's fading now. Please, don't let me hurt him...his only mistake was choosing me to get involved with. I even told him I was worried about hurting him, but he scoffed, asked me what I could do to do such a thing. I didn't tell him nor do I plan to. Damn me to hell.
...yasashii maboroshi....
just like a dream that melts in the morning.
chronos
・kairos
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