Music o' The Entry: "Dry Town", Love Psychedelico
NOTE: Okay people, this is just sad. A grand total of three folk have taken the Big Gay Friend Test. Please, humour me, this is pathetic. Thank you.
How sad, no music that is so new to advertise and squeal about, as is my habit, seeing as I already did it yesterday. Today was a test, I asked my father if I could commandeer the CD player of our vehicle (as opposed to using my little portable disc player) and surprise surprise, he actually let me KEEP the disc in there all the way to church (my new Pierrot CD lasted about five minutes tops. Speaking of which, can't seem to find the thing...yokunai.)-good sign. I think, not sure if my parents liking my music is all that good, seeing as it clearly violates the traditional cliche parent/teen "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MEEEEE" role. Oh well, that's what Malice Mizer is for.
All apologies for not writing more the other evening, I became concerned doing...something else. Not exactly certain what, but did the same regardless. Anyways, as of spoke of briefly in earlier entries, I purchased the PSX edition of Ogre Battle for my birthday and finally had the time to jam the mother in and play a bit of it yesterday...and was disappointed. It's probably too vastly early to make a judgement, seeing as perhaps I've played it a mere one hour, but I don't think I like it so much. It seems to be rather non-linear. Now, I'm all for nonlinearity in games, but not to the point where I have no clue what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. Then there's the whole movement and all the accompanying systems...then again, this IS a strategy RPG, it's supposed to be annoyingly complex, but I'm impatient...I'll probably keep up with it for as long as I can stand, seeing as I've heard excellent things about characters (particularly Canopus), but I don't have a history of being fond of games where I feel like I'm stabbing blindly into the dark. I do find the whole thing about having to pay one's units entertaining though, I can't remember ever seeing that in a game before. However, last night I was digging through things and realized there is something I want very very badly: . Indeed, Yasunori Mitsuda is my favourite composer, surpassing Uematsu for the most part (save that he's not that good with battle themes), and from the impressions I've received (of it's "darkness", which is always a good sign), it will own me mightily. So, I made my brother a proposition last eve: "Do you like Ogre Battle?" "Yeah, a lot." "Wanna buy it from me?" "Okay." I am good, boys and girls. Trust me, it makes plenty of sense for me to sell it, because I have absolutely nothing to lose-I still live at home until August, max, and my brother can't hang the whole "It's my game you can't play it" thing over my head for very long given I own the grand majority of games, but he's not prone to that anyway. And even after I get out of the house, Matt owns it so I'm good (it's kinda sad, our game collections are virtually the same, save for a couple of non-RPG additions on his side). Speaking of my delightful significant other, he's down at his home (like, real home) several hours away and is returning home bearing his SNES and accompanying games, including Mario RPG. Is there anyone else here who likes that game? Sure, it does sound like an unholy marriage of the foulest sort, but I promise you it works, provided you're playing the game for fun, not for deep storyline and character interaction-indeed, Square had a hand in this, but it's purely Mario. Seriously, wildly fun game, I find it peculiar I had never purchased it. Oh well, SNES carts were never cheap, so I suppose it makes sense...
Since I haven't done one in a grand while, I present unto y'all a survey I sort-of ripped from Ari-chan, who I still, possibly contrare to popular belief, remember exists, I just take unholy amounts of time to respond to e-mail and am currently being overwhelmed by hordes of guilt. Ahem. Anyways, here we go.
The Female Test
1. Out of all the shades of pink, which one is your favourite?: I have no fondness for pink.
2. What length skirt do you like?: Very long
3. What hair products do you use?: Shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, silkener...seriously people, naturally curly hair is an unbelievable bitch, all this to keep it moderately calm.
4. What makeup, skincare, and products do you use?: Proactiv Solution, which works quite nicely when I remember to use it.
5. What's the worst thing about guys?: Ego. It's just no good. But we're talking general stuff here.
6. What's the best thing about guys?: Probably...I don't know. What kind of a weird question is that?
7. Worst thing about PMS?: I tend to get into fights of grand magnitude with my family.
8. Bra or no bra?: I feel very strange without one, hence it is necessary.
9. Are you addicted to chocolate?: Depends on the time of month.
10. Do you think you're fat?: Morbidly so.
11. Do you and your friends actually have "slumber parties"?: Now? No.
12. Are you ticklish on your sides?: Not really.
13. Do you take advantage of being a girl to get free stuff?: When I feel like putting in the effort.
14. Are most men liars?: They can be, but so can women.
15. Have you been accused of being a slut?: Not so much.
16. Do you like getting manicures?: Haven't had one in years. If I recall, I didn't like it so much. Nail people are in awe of them, but I dislike the process and don't really care about my nails so much.
17. Do you always shave your legs and underarms?: Yes. Obsessively. And my arms.
18. Is it true that men are naturally better at math?: I think I need to ask Yuri that one.
19. Is a woman's place in the kitchen?: If she happens to like cooking, which I do.
20. What do you think of getting pregnant?: It's something I have no intention to do. Ever.
21. Who would you rather be like Britney Spears or Mother Theresa?: Mother Theresa, because she's a much finer person than I. Plus Miss Spears has reheprensible taste in men, I'd like to think mine is far superior.
22. Do you always say "awww" when you see a furry little animal or an infant?: No, I usually try to touch the furry little animal and when I see and infant I grimace.
23. As far as sports go: playing or cheering?: Playing, if I have to.
24. Are you proud of powerful women like Cleopatra and Bloody Mary even though they were mean?: Cleopatra was spiffy, but...no, not necessarily.
25. Clothing: comfort or fashion?: Comfort
26. Do you like getting all dressed up and pretty?: For about three hours, max. Then it becomes old very very quickly.
27. Of all the questions in this survey which was the most girly?: Pink. Ewww.
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What is the worst thing or part about the following:
1. School: Not getting around to PE thanks to my eating schedule. And my high school counselor.
2. Work: It's absence in my life results in a distinct lack of money.
3. Concerts: The ones I wish to attend include a $600 plane ticket in the price.
4. Shopping: Christmas. And the whole money-sucking thing.
5. Parties: Wouldn't know, do not attend.
6. Holidays: I always seem to need to call places that are closed on those days.
7. Music: Rap, country, bubblegum pop, some j-pop
8. Family: Obligation
9. Friends: When they're hurtful, because you actually care.
10. Neighbors: Voyeuristic freaks
11. You: Where do I begin? Probably laughably pathetic and shallow insecurity about body image.
12. Rain: Getting stuck in it with hairspray in that drips into your eyes.
13. Snow: When it compresses and you must drive on it.
14. Heat: Sweating and swooning.
15. Showers (like in a bathtub): When I get sick in the morning, can't stand too well, and end up slicing myself like a spring ham in the morn.
16. Sleeping: Not getting enough of it.
17. Life: Not understanding it's function nor purpose.
18. Your Gender: Flaming female reproductive organ behaviors and stereotypes.
19. Your Religion: Being born into a conservative Southern protestant family while having it.
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Love Survey:
Section 1 - Crush Info
1.) What is your name?: Sho
2.) Who was your first crush?: Ernie
3.) What made you like them?: I was four. He was 16. I have no idea.
4.) Did you ever ask them out?: Seeing as my grasp on the English language at that point was none too firm, no.
5.) Did you tell them that you liked them? Did you have one of your friends?: Yes, frequently. And no.
6.) Did they like you back?: In a fraternal humouring way.
7.) What was their name?: Didn't I just tell you that?
8.) Was it a male or a female?: Male, far as I can tell.
9.) Did you ever go out of your way to try to impress them? What did you do?: I didn't try.
10.) How did they react?: See above.
11.) Did you ever write them a love letter?: I was illiterate. Perhaps I drew him a picture?
12.) Do you still have contact with that person today?: No
13.) If they didn't know you had a crush on them back then, would you tell them now?: He was aware of it.
14.) Do you still have a crush on that person?: No.
Section 2 - Bad Love Relationships
15.) Who is your worst ex?: I only have one, so I unfortunately have to say Kel-chan, despite that he's not a bad ex by any stretch of the imagination.
16.) What went wrong in your relationship?: Lack of communication, my insecurity, and Soba
17.) Would you consider going back to the relationship?: It never ended, we're friends. But to take it to another non-platonic level, no.
18.) Why or why not?: Because it wasn't healthy for me.
19.) Were you in love with them?: No
20.) If you were, was the love one sided or did they love you back?: There was like on both sides, but not love.
21.) Describe your relationship in one sentence: Insecurity and aggressiveness do not mix.
22.) Do you miss that person?: When I don't speak to him for long periods of time, yes.
23.) Do you still think about them?: Occasionally
24.) Dream about them?: No, but that doesn't mean anything with the way my dreams work. Ye gods.
25.) Long for them?: No
26.) Are you two still friends?: Indeed
27.) Do you ever see yourself getting back together with that person?: No.
28.) Name one thing about that person that absolutely disgusted you: Nothing disgusted me, though frustration was there.
29.) If you could go back and change one thing about your relationship with that person, what would it be?: That it ended sooner, because after Japan it was pretty much at the level it is now.
30.) Would you like to try again?: Not really, I'm happy now.
31.) Why or why not?: It wouldn't work.
32.) Do you forgive this person? And if the problems in your relationship were your own fault, do you forgive yourself?: Certainly, though I'm not so kind to myself. There's nothing really to forgive.
Section 3 - Love Life (if you are not in a relationship, you can either use one of your most memorable relationships to answer the questions, or disregard this section entirely)
33.) Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or both?: Boyfriend.
33.) Where did you guys meet?: School
34.) How long have you been together?: In real time, about a month and half. In compressed time, 10-11 months. I'm serious, stop looking at me that way, other people have observed it as well.
35.) Who asked who out? Did you ask them? Vice versa?: It was a mutual stumbling through words. Our experiences were eerily parallel.
36.) What is their name?: Matt
37.) What is their age?: 21
38.) What is your age?: 18
39.) Who fell for who first?: It was pretty simultaneous, as weird as it sounds, we've discussed it and come to that conclusion.
40.) How did you find out that this person liked you, or how did they find out that you liked them?: He got me to admit it by prodding in rather unsubtle fashions.
41.) Did you two date before you became a couple?: No
42.) Describe your first date with this person: We had a first date? First time we went out we saw "Lord of the Rings"
43.) Was the date fun? What did you guys do?: Yeah, save for my non-related emotional freaking out.
44.) What attracted you to this person?: He's so much like me it's freaky, plus we understand one another (though I'm the stranger one of the bunch, general consensus).
45.) What is their best quality?: Kindness and misanthropy
46.) Worst quality?: Insensitivity, but that's infrequent and he realizes it.
47.) How do you feel about your relationship? Is is good? Bad? Okay?: I'm very very pleased.
49.) How was it?: Huh?
50.) Were you still fantasizing about your first kiss a week after it happened?: Not so much
51.) Name something that makes this person awesome: Pie
52.) What do you believe is the strongest part of your relationship?: Communication
53.) Weakest?: My bizarre mental state. Oh, plus I'm the sort-of priestess of some guy in Japan I've elevated to sub-deity status, never a good thing in a relationship.
54.) Can you relate to this person on an emotional level?: Can and do.
55.) Were you sexually attracted to this person the first time you laid eyes on each other?: No
56.) How many hours a week do you spend talking to your mate?: In all likelihood, too bloody many. So now he's my mate?
57.) Spending time with your mate?: See above.
58.) Name something that you love about this person: Manner of speech.
59.) How long have you two been together?: See many questions above.
60.) Do you remember the exact date on which you two became official?: December 14th. Shut up.
61.) Do you remember the exact date of your first kiss?: December 14th?
62.) Your first date?: No, but I could check.
63.) When was the last time you saw them?: Yesterday, around 2 AM
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School days survey.
1. What was the name of your grade school?: Frasch Elementary
2. Did you ever transfer?: Yes
3. Did you ever go to Sunday School?: Yup
4. What was your favorite subject?: Music
5. Who was your favorite teacher?: Ms. Barley
6. Did you have to wear a uniform?: Not in the US
7. Did you have siblings in your grade school?: For a period of time, yes.
8. Did your class ever have to spend time with the kindergarteners?: When I was in kindergarten?
9. Are you still friends with anyone from grade school?: Somewhat
10. Did your 8th grade class ever have a reunion?: Thank heavens no, that'd just be idiotic.
11. Did you go?: If it had occurred, I still would not have.
12. Did you like gym class?: No, I abhorred it. Not much has changed.
13. What was your favorite game in gym?: Basketball
14. What did your lunch box have on it?: Depends on which lunch box.
15. Did you ever buy lunch in school?: Rarely
16. Were you ever left back?: Nay
High School
1. What was the name of your high school?: Sentoraru Bari High School and Higashi Koutougakkou. Sorry, still attend there, unfortunately.
2. Did you ever transfer?: I want to very intensely.
3. What was your favorite subject?: Music and Biology
4. Who was your favorite teacher?: Mr. Akins & Jens
5. Did you have to wear a uniform?: US: No Japan: Yes
6. Did you have a boy/girlfriend that went to school with you?: In the US, yes.
7. Did you get detention a lot?: No.
8. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention?: I always escaped it.
9. Are you still friends with people from high school?: I hope so?
10. Were you part of any clubs or sports?: Racial Equality Action League, for a brief time and the Brass Club
11. Were you popular?: In Japan, yes.
12. Did you care?: It disturbed me.
13. What was in your locker?: Books, notebooks, and mayonnaise packets.
14. Did you get into any fights?: Not in high school.
15. Did you have a reunion? Did you go? Or,if you are still in high school, do you plan to go when you graduate?: Yes, to laugh at people.
16. What colleges did/will you apply to?: One on the eastern side of this state.
Oh, church today made me quite uneasy. While I was in the library getting some books on biblical archeology (my method of not falling asleep is to read during the sermon, and there are some interesting texts located in atashi no kyokai no toshokan), I began speaking to the librarian's daughter (she's like, 60 or something. The daughter, the librarian's 80ish or so) and discovered that she goes to school with me. She was talking about the biblical archeology classes offered there, while complaining of the professor, who is incidentally the same pompous ass who taught the Intro to Religion class I was in for approximately one day. Heh, I'm not the only one. But things got uncomfortable when she began speaking disparagingly of those awful agnostics and atheists in the class, they're no good. The only thing I could do was maintain expression while nodding quietly, not exactly sure what do to. Am I truly that bad? I don't get it, I don't put up any false personality fronts at church to cover what I am, other than being quieter about some of my disapproved of sexual preferences. Do I behave that closely to a Christian? I think it's more on the assumed part, but I've never asserted my agnosticness. Get into a discussion with me and you're open-minded, I may say things that would lead you to think that way, but not with older self-righteous churchy people, they just attack you and never treat you in the same way again. And that makes me sad, they don't treat you in the same because they're disappointed, you've "fallen away." I don't think I did any falling away, what it was was a gradually removal of the parental faith crutch as I learned and dared to think for myself, to examine things through lenses other than those they provided. Why can't I be liked for who I am, rather than my faith or lack of one? It troubled. Then I decided to go to the college class today, instead of sleeping in the auditorium as is my custom with the adults...the subject is Christian dating. Uh oh. I'm doing basically everything wrong, religion has played no part whatsoever in this relationship, which is the first big bloody fat mistake. Secondly, Matt's not a Christian. He's theist, which is more than one can say of me, for it's worth, but not what the teacher had in mind. Basically, everything is wrong. So I keep my mouth shut in that class, particularly when sitting beside my friend who's sitting beside her boyfriend, whom she only consented to date following a Bible study and the teacher is a father figure to her in the truest sense of the word...yeah, weirdness. We spoke of things that we have to see in a person when choosing a date...I don't date as hobby, it's not something I do. I'm very picky and would rather not date at all than date someone I'm not interested in. It sounds cruel, and I know there are those of you out there screaming how "YOU WOULDN'T WANT SOMEONE TO DO THAT TO YOU!" Well, if they're the same as me, why should they waste their time with something that will inevitably come to naught? Wait, now you're like "It'll only come to naught if you don't put in the effort." People, effort is not the only thing you need to make a relationship work. It's utterly pointless if there's no attraction or interest, I assure you. But yeah, suffice to say church was somewhat disturbing. Aorah, I know exactly what you mean about backlash, I have it going on constantly in my head, and it scares me. But my method of coping is by the knowledge that even if I was a professing Christian still, not a thing would change-the realized doubts, the lack of faith, the heresies...it wouldn't change a flaming thing. But I still worry. How sad that you have to have ignorant people treating you in such a fashion, as well as their horrendously tactless mothers. It always makes me feel bad when people pray for me, if they truly believe it, for their words to their God should not be wasted on something that praying will not change. Oh well. If in the end it turns out Christianity was right the entire time around, I'm sure one such as I will gain her just reward.