Fear and loathing of graduation.
02.05.19
E01:46
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Music o' the Entry: "Eleanor Rigby", Joan Baez
My listening of this song was prompted by Emily's mention of it on her journal, causing me to remember that it is indeed a song I enjoy and should bloody well download. Audiogalaxy predictably did not allow the downloading of the Beatles version, yet I enjoy Ms. Baez's voice, and hence got this version. But that's not the only thing I've been listening to, my Sonique player has been unusually busy these days, primarily with Yoko Kanno's "The Real Folk Blues" (the ending of Cowboy Bebop, for those who care), They Might Be Giants' "Older" and "I've Got a Fang" (from their Mink Car album), and finally Hikaru Utada's new single "Sakura Drops", which I strangely like. Well, not strangely I suppose, given it doesn't sound terribly happy both lyrically (I haven't attempted at translation nor read one, just from actually paying attention the words upon occasion) and musically, and we all know of my great fondness for such. And on the non-MP3 note, I've also borrowed Matt's Final Fantasy VII OST (between us, there's a crapload of game soundtracks. It's pretty spiffy, he owns pretty much all I don't and vice versa) and we spent some very happy time listening to Final Fantasy: Symphonic Suite, as well as the surprisingly excellent Parasite Eve OST. Not that I thought it was bad, mind you, my exposure to PE music was previously limited to "Primal Eyes", "Theme of Aya", "Somnia Memorias" and "Se il mio amore da vincino", or whatever it's called (since I enjoy mangling Italian) but now I'm digging it greatly. Final boss music...OH YES. And the FFVII music is making me want to play it again, though I have both FFVIII & the PSX versions of ChronoTrigger and FFIV to tend to...and no time for doing even the things I am. Ah well, could be worse.
Some notes on last entry...I'm not sure if it came off this way, but it wasn't a Matt-bashing entry, and I fear if I made him come off as an utter asshole. Because he's not. Certainly, he can be, and he's the first to tell you (it's his ad verbatim description of his personality), but that wasn't the intent...just venting a bit of frustration. As for the title of the entry about chocolate, I was describing my Mother's Day gift to my mother: what the recipe I used calls the Ultimate Chocolate Cake, which contains about two pounds of butter and two and half pounds of various sorts of chocolate. And you know what? I wouldn't be entirely surprised if this destroys my appetite for chocolate for a very long time. The cake itself was pretty much the most complicated thing I've ever cooked-Matt and I estimate we put a good 4-5 hours into the thing, with baking, icing, making chocolate shavings, the ganache topping, all the assorted things. Seriously, I've had one sliver of the entire thing, which weighs about five pounds, and even that sat in my stomach like a lead brick. Hence, note to self and all others: there IS such a thing as too much chocolate. Not that the cake is bad, because it's not; and actually, it's not very sweet, just chocolatey. Very very chocolatey. Speaking of baking things, this brings up another topic, of something I've considered adding to this blog: a recipe section. No, I don't think anyone will read it, seeing as cooking doesn't seem to be a terribly popular hobby among the prime readership demographic of this here blog (...come to think of it, I have no CLUE with the readership demographic is...), but cooking IS a hobby of mine, so like all my other ones I'm more than eager to share/inflict them. So perhaps after school (meaning college) is out (which will be around June 11-14, depending on my finals), there shall be an addition of Cafe Sho or whatever, in which I shall post recipes which I enjoy wildly/cook obsessively so you can to. Or something. Yeah.
In other news, I'm back to making grandiose sweeping life-altering plans at the drop of a hat, as usual-this time that I probably will not be keeping this geography major, but will keep it for the time being, then transfer to the University of Washington in about two years (READ: following Matt's graduation) and major in atmospheric science, specializing in meteorology. Or biology. I don't know yet, but I can't seem to keep myself out of the sciences so I figure I should give up trying to. Both meteorology and biology seem natural to me, seeing as a goodly number of folk who know me in real life know of my odd habit of frequently studying and analyzing the cloudscape when outside (it's hard to make predictions based on cloud formations in this area, thank you orographic lifting), despite the fact that absolutely not a soul a cares...oh well, it's something I enjoy. And we all know the whole fish/cephalopod obsession type thing...so basically, I'm going to merrily bum around at my currently attended regional university, fulfilling basic requirements and the, which also includes destroying my soul with math. I don't know how much this means to y'all, but the innermost of my being does quake a little upon being quite bluntly informed that Advanced Multivariable Calculus I is a prerequisite for a BS in atmospheric science...yeah, just slightly daunting. It makes me quail a bit, but I don't really have time for quailing: I have to register for classes for autumn come the 23rd, next Thursday...so yes, yarg. So far my prime choices for classes to valiantly attempt to get into are Introduction to Religion (except the professor is a pompous ass of the highest order, if you'll recall I spent a day in that class without being enrolled before being promptly ejected), Pre-Calculus, and possibly a biology or physics course. My idea is that since I'm not terribly sure of what I'll end up majoring in, if I can ascertain that it's at least a science, I can cover all the science prereq's and be good with whatever I go into. As for why I'm dropping geography, it can seem a bit silly: my current professor in World Regional Geography. Basically, my style of writing and answering is absolutely NOT what he wants, which is very business-like: clear, succinct, nothing unnecessary...not good when I can be frightfully eloquent at times (meaning all of them), very long-winded (I fear for my impending English term paper, for it has no length limit. Blimey, you all should fear for it.) and in generally completely different personalitywise. The best way I can describe my professor is American: he is what is, unapologetically and brusquely, at times, very realistic and capitalistic, cognizant of humanity and human nature, cynical. And I'm certainly cynical as well, to a fault; but I'm also foolishly idealistic and seem to lack certain characteristics of human nature that make socialism a vastly more appealing economic system. Certainly I understand that Marx didn't take human nature into account very well when penning his ideas, but I suppose I fall into the trap of "If I can do it, so can you"...and human nature, particularly many American values, are intrinsically well-tuned to capitalism so it shouldn't surprise me...it just saddens me and I don't understand it very well. Oh I do, I'm just relatively incapable of empathizing...
Yes, I've been recently having issues with all sorts of politicalness. The area in which I live is currently quasi-associated with a much larger city, and there's going to be a vote next week on whether to incorporate or not. Thanks to the Young Democrats and their voting drive I'm free to inflict my evil political views on the unsuspecting populous, I can, but I don't know if I will simply because I'm of the opinion that voting ignorantly is a Bad Idea. When I was at Wal-Mart the other buying some boxers, upon my exit there are couple of guys who are pro-incorporation who wanted me to sign a series of petitions, only one of which I agreed with (the only two were further tax cuts; my city is stagnant and thanks to a recent cut, we're dropping programs left and right and things that shouldn't be losing funding are; though it's a pain to myself, I still will not vote for such)...I dunno. But yeah, my political views seem to be getting tied up with my personality recently. In short, I have a very very dim view of human nature, and am not terribly people-friendly in general. Heck, I'm even a little paranoid (yay assorted possible mental disorders!). This...clashes with my socialistish ideals, and leads me to be fond of some aspects of libertarianism, which Matt enjoys (himself being a libertarian)...hooray for internal ethics disputes. And I also wonder about my politicalization, as it screamingly defies all conventional wisdom and observations of the process...
The other night Matt and I were eating pizza at a buffet (something we enjoy wildly, except Matt usually gets sick) and we started discussing some papal prophecies (according to I believe St. Malachi, there are only two popes left after this current one, the last one being the Antichrist), which always starts tugging on my agnosticism, understandably. And it's probably related in no small part to the oft-documented lashback of one who deserts their first religion, apostasy...and somehow we got on the subject of an interview with Robert Jordan. The subject was about accents in the books based on real nations (I don't recall all now, but apparently the "slurred" accent of the Seanchan is vaguely...Texan. Were that this is jest. This merely confirms the assumed insanity of Mr. Jordan.), but that wasn't the subject of the interview. What it was was something about religion in Randland...and if I recall rightly, Mr. Jordan said something to the effect that the Creator and Dark One are active deities; thus, the people KNOW they exist, meaning they have no need for faith, so religion is relatively unnecessary. Certainly this is a paraphrase, and probably a terrible one (and yes, I am taking into account the Children of the Light), but it brings up a fascinating concept: if something is absolutely known, then faith is unnecessary. So what would the world be like if we had absolute proof of a higher power(s)? Thusly, some measure of doubt is necessary for the existence of faith...does this implicate that all religious folk who claim "faith" intrinsically doubt? Or have they assigned "faith" a different definition? ...yeah, I should not and will not ever ever take a philosophy class. But the religion class ought to be fun, ironic even, since I believe the professor is an atheist.
Life is recently becoming annoying again. I'm getting the impression that my friends are irritated with me for flagrantly ignoring the fact that I was ever a senior in high school in favour for being a freshman in college, calling and asking me if I'm going this-or-that ridiculous senior event that I'm pretty certain they knew I won't; I've never presented any pretenses that I had an interest in participating in any of these things, why would I now? Though now they're getting almost offensive about it, quasi-implicating that it's selfish of me to not attend them. What the hell? I don't see at all how this is making me selfish: I do not wish to attend these events, I am utterly devoid of a desire to, they're a waste of time, and frankly I have better things to do that NEED doing. So in light of this, if it makes me selfish, than so be it, because it makes little to no sense in my opinion. Now fear not, I'm not being offensive about it, simply honest: "Are you going?" "No."; it's not my fault they're offended by it...yes, I'm going to be insanely glad on the 24th of May, this Friday, because I graduate on Thursday, and after that there shall be no more stupid slogging through this crap. And if my high school friends resent me for it...well, it seems a ridiculous and petty reason to resent someone for. I've spoken of this before, this "the life I've chosen is different than yours so please just accept it and it'll be vastly less painful for all involved if you don't try to change me" issue I'm having with my high school friends, and it seems to be peaking...plus I received a letter from my high school on proper graduation etiquette and whatnot, which proved to be a colossal joke of great magnitude. First of all, no jeans for me. Fine, I'll wear my corset. My favourite part of these instructions and whatnot are on how the graduation contains "symbolic" gestures, and how it feels it necessary to explicitly explain all these silly overdone little "symbolisms", and how they grossly overplay the entire ordeal of graduation. Can you feel the dread? Not to mention the ridiculous (man I overuse that word) light blue robe and mortarboard I wear...yes, I would be overjoyed if at this moment, someone with a lick of sense realized how overkill and idiotic this entire thing is...but alas. Oh well, worse things could happen, I suppose...but it's late, and this is long, so I'll write at a later date. Good evening to all.
chronos
Ekairos
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