I'm sorry.
02.09.24
E22:22
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Music o' the Entry: "Information High", Creampuff
Behold the Macross music influence thanks to Matt. I've mentioned before
that he's a mecha nut of the highest calibur and Macross ranks up there
with his favourites, so naturally I get to listen to quite a bit of
Macross music (including his two discs of FireBomber music), Macross
quotes, Macross designs, hear about how great Shoji Kawamori is (he's
evidently a god among mecha freaks, courtesy his ridiculously mad
mech designing skillz)...but I don't mind, even if I don't share the
passion I still find it interesting and it makes me glad to see him
enjoying something so.
I've been so busy recently, where do I start? Well, tomorrow it's not
going to get any better, as tomorrow is the first day of school and my
first day of my new job as a cashier for the dining hall, yay. Luckily
for me it's not in the most popular of the dining areas, but all the
athletes eat there so...eehhh. Oh well, I'll survive, at least I won't
have to speak on the phone, and I've never had an issue which working
the lobby at work (mostly because I don't have to do anything with the
phone). However, I'll be working two shifts tomorrow. Classes begin
at 9:00 and end at 11:30. I'll be leaving at 6:40 AM to exercise prior
to class, and by the time work is all over, I should be home by 9ish.
Good lord, I REALLY need to either move nearer to my university and/or
purchase a laptop with all the giant bags of money I just happen to have
lying about. Ah well, I doubt I'll be assigned to write anything from
tomorrow, so it shouldn't be so big of a deal. I'm excited for school,
to start, sort of; half of me is daunted by overloading on credits and
working shifts that don't allow me to go home, the other half is sick
of summer and is looking forward to more money. So we'll see how it
goes tomorrow, eh? Hello getting up at 6 AM once again...
In other news, yesterday I was involved in my first car accident, a
first I really could've done without, but so much for that. It wasn't
so serious, nobody was injured or in any danger of such, and the other
girl involved's car only suffered some paint loss on the bumper. However,
my car's front right quarter panel is quite concave now (surprisingly the
light wasn't broken, merely scuffed a bit in the corner) and the passenger's
side door does not open, which is more than a mite annoying. What occurred
was Matt and I were driving through one of the dorm parking lots yesterday
(Matt was actually at the wheel, not I) on our magically quest to locate
a parking spot for me when right as we approach it, I noted the tail-end
of a blue car pulling out happily (from a no parking zone, mind you). I
gave Matt enough warning to swerve, but the car did not stop and we
went crunch. To make a long story short, she wouldn't admit her fault,
so we involved our insurance companies and my car shall be repaired. Still,
it was a distress yesterday that left me quite worn out and I'm very very
glad it's over. Of course, this is amid the fact that Matt's ex-landlord
is trying ass-rape Matt and Kenji for excessive sums of money, some for
damage that was present prior to their moving in, in a fashion that
reeks of illegal things and very well may be taken to court, so I'm also
involved in a mess of helping them find resources so we can at least
reduce the charges if not absolve them...yeah, I think I've had about
enough of this recent crash-course into street law. Still, as a note
to all of ye who are apartment renters, I heartily encourage you to look
at the Tenant-Landlord laws of your state, province, prefecture, nation,
whatever your location so you don't have this happen to you. Heck, if you're
like us, you may find that your landlord is already not behaving in a
terribly legal fashion...
...okay, see why I'm busy now? No, Matt's problem with his landlord
(who, by the way, is a giant tard who writes creepy horrendously-spelled
letters in ALL CAPS WITH NO ATTENTION PAID AMERICAN ENGLISH GRAMMAR AND/OR
THE LETTER WRITING CONVENTION TAUGHT TO ALL AMERICAN CHILDREN REPEATEDLY
IN GRADES 2-11!!!!! Yes, unfortunately, I wasn't kidding, particularly
with the exclamation points.) does not involve me particularly, as I do
not and never have lived with him, but I may be doing some assistance
with cleaning up the mess with whatever happens, so I think I certainly
do have a stake in this. Besides, the guy's painfully creepy and is
trying to scam Matt and Kenji, you don't do crap like that to my friends.
Besides, it makes my Justice-o-Meter tingle with agitation. Okay, when
I actually found out it was more my Stab-o-Meter mixed in concert with
the Justice-o-Meter, but I digress. Sigh, how complicated and foul
everything becomes.
In other news, I finally saw Star Wars: Episode II, with Matt at the local
$1.50 theatre and was...um, I don't know. For one thing, it definitely
proved Matt's thought that George Lucas has never touched a woman in his life
and for a lot, didn't make too much sense. I heard many a person complained
about the acting, particularly that of Mr. Hayden Christianson (sp?),
but I'm not so sure if it's the fault of him or Mr. Lucas's script. Anyway,
the whole romance aspect of the movie was...perplexing. To me Anakin's
obsession with Queen Senator Amidala was of the creepy and
stalkerish variety and some of the things he said, like the whole thing
about being in agony...um, yeah. Some of you will my remember my
*cough* minor *cough* Soba obsession, and that kid makes me look like a
greenhorn, which in turns makes me very very very happy, because man...
I don't know, maybe the fact that he LOOKS creepy a lot of the time helps?
No one's ever told me I looked creepy unless I was doing intentionally, which
I suppose is a good thing. I announce to all: My obsession with Soba
is/was never ever ever that bad, nor creeptacular. Okay, anyway, as
for the rest of the film...I heartily enjoyed seeing Yoda 0wNzEr all over
that grammatically confusing and atrociously named Dooku kid (if you're a
student of Japanese, you know what I mean), Natalie Portman makes me
happy because she's lovely to look at and I'm more than happy too
(although her nigh-constant clothing changes confused me. A lot.
The point, kids?), and there were lots of shiny special effects, but
I'm not of the graphics whore school too much, so, yeah...it was
enjoyable (thanks in part to the Thai tea I consumed while observing),
but not the best movie I've ever seen. Oh, I was going to elaborate on
the love story aspect...like I said, it confused. In the beginning,
Amidala was rather cold to Anakin, and he responded by being creepy
and stalkery. So...why did she like him? His character came off as
quite immature and undependable at times...I'm confused. Heck, I think
this one was more poorly handled than that of Squall and Rinoa...oh well,
whatever.
Anyway, that was my Stars Wars: EII rant. Yay. Next we're planning
on seeing Simone when it comes to the $1.50 theatre because we're poor
and cheap, and because Matt naturally digs the whole "Wow, it's Sharon
Apple!"-type shtick. Hooray, Yiddish.
Speaking of our roamings, Matt, his roommate, and I went out for coffee
the other day and something strange hit me acutely. The cafe was one
of those that Matt describes as painfully trendy and self-aware, and
as there was only one barista and the place was packed, we waited for a
bit at a mosaic-topped table for Kenji's mocha breve. So, I observed and
there were all sorts of people, groups, there...yuppie kids, quasi-hippies,
the transients outside, some goth kids...and they were all with their
friends. Suddenly, I felt very...empty. Because I wanted to be there
with my friends, who are all elsewhere, progressing with their lives,
as lives tend to do. And I was sad for two reasons: 1) they are gone
2) even if they were still here, I'm not so sure they'd be receptive
to going out for coffee with me. Because amid me being busy last year,
overloading on credits, conflicting schedules, new additions and
subtractions from my life, I lost track of them and I didn't do enough.
I admit guilt freely: yes, I was busy, but yes, I could've and
should've done more. And I apologize for it. I cannot apologize for
my being busy with classwork and the lot, but I am regretful of...I
don't want to use the word "losing", because part of me doesn't think
they're gone, and maybe somehow I can do something to change my neglect
of them, but part of me knows that you cannot treat people like that
and expect them to want to be around you. I do not think I am hated,
but I also am not sure if I am liked. So if any of you read this,
(you know who you are), I am sorry for the way things are and would
like to change them, if it's possible. I still live at the same place,
same phone number, same e-mail; yours' have changed. Distance is not
an issue so much, because right now I speak more often to my friend
Lindsay in Alabama than you, and that's not good. Not that it's an
insult to Lindsay, but it demonstrates why distance should not be
an issue. Why am I doing this
on my blog? I really don't know. It's a quasi-public forum, to be sure,
though not so many people look at it. I think perhaps it's because I'm
scared of any possibility of confrontation and I'm scared of being
rejected. Not that trying to speak to you through this medium would
make rejection any less awful, but this place is comfortable to me and
I miss y'all. So I had to say something. Too often this blog is just
a silly recitation of my day, with occasional moments of something
meaningful...I think this is important. And this isn't just a personal
address to those, it's also my thoughts on my friends everywhere who
I've grown apart from, due to distance and factors other than
neglect. I miss you all and I apologize. No, it doesn't make everything
right, but I just thought I'd let you know that I did not dispose of you,
because you are not disposable. Even if I wasn't speaking so much to
anyone, it's because I didn't know what to say, because I say stupid
things, and I was scared. It weighed on my mind...a lot. And still
does, as evidenced by this entry. I just don't speak of it so much, because I invariably botch it, like how I prolly am now.
Yeah, imagine that, something I don't speak of. So I'm sorry, for what it's worth.
And I also apologize to my readers to whom this topic doesn't concern,
but this is a personal blog so...well, live with it. Anyway, I need
to sleep early, got school tomorrow...good night, all.
chronos
Ekairos
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