At last the veil is doffed.
４月１１日（木）Sw. Stanislawa (St.Stanislaus)
・22:11
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Music o' the Entry: "I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow", The Soggy Bottom Boys
One of those rare dual-entry days (especially given apparent randomness of my updating these days), although now it's a different time of day and I'm a few hours short of sleep, as one might expect. Left around 3:30 this morning and carted Yuri and お母さん (it just looks better in hiragana/kanji than romaji, deal with it) off to the airport, where we waited until the gate inside opened around 4:30ish, said our good-byes, and went home. It wasn't a terrible parting, and I was too comatose to really think anything but I miss Yuri and wish I had been able to spend more time with her. Sigh. Ah well, starting in the fall she'll be in Boston so at least I'll get to speak to her considerably more often and perhaps pay a visit or three over there, the Northeast being pretty much the only area of the continental United States I haven't visited. Still, although I may get to see Yuri-chan relatively soon, I won't necessarily get to see kaasan. En route to the airport she asked me about my plans concerning my inevitable return to Japan, saying that she said it would be quite possible for me to get a job teaching English (which is a distinct possibility for me, seeing as there ain't much for folks with a BA in geography and it'd be another three years at least until I get my BS in biology, and that's before I go on to graduate school for zoology heaven-knows-where) with the Nishinomiya Board of Education, which would be preferable to the JETS program, in which I could pretty much be sent bloody fragging anywhere. Yes, just watch me end up in Kochi (place on Shikoku) and not being able to understand anything courtesy the insanity that is Tosa-ben, ye gods. Still, it sounds like a potentially promising prospect, so I told she could expect to see me again probably in two years or so, when I (prospectively) actually have money. Speaking of okaasan, she's had a degenerative effect on me: my "un"'s are working way overtime (which never actually went away, they're just even more prominent in speech now) and I fear the return of the "soka soka" is imminent. Heck, even my (biological) mom is saying "un", and her Japanese is limited to "oishii", "kawaii", "kudasai", "neko", "okane", "konbanwa" and "hentai". Speaking of which, I decided to go out on a limb and I actually called okaasan by that term in front of my biological family; and surprisingly, they didn't object or become offended. I was a mite worried since they had exhibited such behavior previously, and was pleased to find that my fears proved unfounded.
In other news, I believe I neglected to announce that I'll be getting braces applied to my teeth on the 22nd of this month. Unfortunately this is entirely my fault and I'm starting to get cold feet about the entire affair. I suppose it's for the best, as to prevent my teeth from their frequent hobby of traversing my gums (which they do do, fickle bastards), plus it'll help hygiene-wise. Still, orthodontists and all manner of orthodontia irritate me; hell, the entire atmosphere of the place is uber-creepy, all this drivel about "smiles"-people, I don't smile, I won't. I don't know, the whole places just exudes this disturbing "feel-good" atmosphere that makes me kind of twitchy. But anyway, back to the subject at hand. They took a number of castings of my teeth and the verdict is that no teeth shall have to be ripped from my flesh, but that I'll be wearing braces on my top and lower jaws, though only for about a year to 15 months. The top ones will be clear and the bottom shall be silver...yeah, I'm not liking this. Despite how extreme (I wouldn't describe myself as radical, too passive) I am, I'm feeling quite conservative about this. All the suggestions they make, wanting to do weird cosmestic stuff to some of my teeth to make them larger, the whole "peaceful" atmosphere...yeah, someone remind me again WHY I'm doing this? Oy. Still, I'm can't back out, I'm going to have to get them sooner or later and it's better with my parents' money than mine own...
Something potentially not-good occurred today; basically, Matt found out about this blog. I had made some verbal slips numerous times earlier, giving away too much and knowning I had, but yesterday he sent me a link to a blog in Welsh, not knowing it was a blog and just showing it to me because it happened to be in Welsh (we're both fans of foreign tongues)...he started talking about it, referring to it as a diary or such and I took the opportunity to correct and clarify. Uh, yeah, oops? Matt picked up on it right away that I knew a little bit too much about this particular subject and I DID try futilely to deny or direct his attention elsewhere but to no avail. And the thing is I don't want him visiting bloodwing, specifically because of the Japan Edition entries. Matt knows pretty much everything about the Soba Saga (it has a name now), but the problem here lies in that this blog is a chronicle of it, and preserves my emotions as they were at that time, fresh and raw, and occasionally vaguely psychotic (those of you who've read them, particularly when the situation was occurring know I wasn't exactly faring too well mentally 'round that time). And I don't particularly want him to see that, I want to preserve the image he has of me. Not that I think he'd leave me because of, but I'm scared it'd change his perception of me. He claims it wouldn't, but I don't know I'm not the most stable creature ever spawned and am not too big on the idea of making myself look more nuts. And it's not even just the Japan entries, I'm embarrassed at some of my older ones, I dislike how I write, it and I sound so childish. He's promised not to look at it, but...no, I'm going to resist passwording this because I like getting new readers and having my anonymous ones, which would be rendered impossible under such circumstances. Plus it would indicate a lack of trust on my part...damn paranoia to hell. However, he said now he's considering getting his own blog and isn't sure whether or not he'd let me view his, should he get one...so, I dunno what's going to happen with that. He always knew that I had something posted online that had to do with my writing but I figured if he knew what it was it'd only pique his curiousity further and I was correct...
In acadamic news, I may have mentioned it previously, but the whole 12 credit-freak out thing finally took over and now I'm taking a much better 17 credits, with the addition of World Regional Geography to the list. The only problem is I'm finding it more than a bit disturbing because it's so...capitalist. Yes, here we go again, myself being the godless pinko tree-hugging communist Nazi and all (spake my sire). I dunno, it's something about the way in which the professor speaks...he's not being offencive or anything, it just makes me feel more alone and unnatural. We also discussed it some in my English class and after some thought I think I've managed to pinpoint the reason as to why I'm quasi-socialist: it's my lack of humanity. Generally and simplistically speaking (this is an effort to keep the econ majors and all other more knowledgeable from jumping down my throat, I *KNOW* I'm not covering all the bases), the root of capitalism is the intrinsic human desire to better one's station, which would in turn implicate a desire to better than others. Quite frankly, I couldn't care less about impressing or being better than anybody. Any grandiose declarations I make (such as beating down Tolkien) are a challenge to myself, not to make money. Certainly I'm not opposed to it, but that's not the point-I want to make me better than me. Socialism works for the greater good than one's self; if one doesn't give a flying rat's arse about one's self then...I suppose we could say it appeals to my self-interests, or rather the lack of them. The reason I've been searching out an answer is because recently I've been becoming confused about the origins and reasonings of my beliefs, contradictions...innately, I hate people, hate the masses, am excessively cynical and pessimistic, and generally think that people deserve what they get, in swift and final justice, including myself: yeah, not exactly the ideal socialist mindset, to put it mildly. Speaking of the justice thing, it reminds me of when I was trying to explain to one of the members of one of the Christian organizations on campus my beliefs; he didn't seem to grasp that I don't WANT forgiveness, that it holds no appeal for me, as I would rather believe in justice. And yes, I realize that would damn the world. However, I'd be damned as well so I think it's perfectly alright and rational for me to think such thoughts.
Ah well, need to run-sleep has evaded me all day (all three hours of it) so I'm more than willing to humor it now. Anyways, I'm off, and please note that I added a new link to my list of daily reads. Good night all.
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