Momentous Declaration Part II
02.01.08
・20:15
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Music o' The Entry: "Mass Game", Pierrot
...this song is the ULTIMATE driving song. Which may actually frighten some of you, but the fact remains that it rocks wildly, to the point that it's currently giving me a headache (a bit too much rocking, apparently). Seriously, AWESOME song, if you go for Pierrot...come to think of it, Pierrot supplies most of my favourite driving music, including "Agitator" and "Icaross". I highly recommend the Private Enemy album to any curious, it's been utterly dominating the Sho Portable CD Player On the Bus To and From School Charts for the past couple days (though Love Psychedelico did have a brief stint this morning)...ye gods, just the way he sings "seKAi"...yum. Plus that little rasping/dying thing (if you've heard "Agitator", you know what I mean) is in there, I enjoy doing that karaoke. So very strange, my voice is actually very suited towards ballads, not scary visual kei music. Oh well. Suffice to say I'm roiling in musical bliss, as I generally am.
Well, 傷の冬休み (Shou no fuyu yasumi, or Sho's winter break. YOU WILL LEARN! Indeed, I encourage all readers with the desire to study Japanese, or at least a foreign language, it'll do you good. Not exactly sure how at this point, but don't argue with me.) is quite over, and today was my official second day of college fun. Currently, I'm in enrolled in second and third year conversational Japanese again (shoutouts to Shala, although I'm actually worried about this one ^^;), PE, English 201, and...Astronomy. Yes, I know I spoke of overloading on credits last quarter and here I am, doing exactly what I swore I wouldn't. But let's do some explanation; Sho felt very lazy and uninspired taking so few classes when she knew she could do more, thus she talked her parents into letting her take another 5 credit class and not having to work. Yay. Oh well, I don't need spending money so much, I'm sure I'll live. Plus another major random scary development has taken place, though this is one isn't social...unfortunately. But I'll talk about that on it's own paragraph. I decided I might as well take some of the required courses for college that I'll need to get out of the way, and since the high school is paying for my classes (up to 18 credits) one over is a mere $80, as opposed to paying five times as much if I took after I've graduated. Anyways, upon learning my family would let me, I blazed through the course catalogue, pouring over the required classes, attempting valiantly to find some stuff that'll interest me...and I decided on taking a humanities course, introduction to religion. I imagine some of you are scratching your heads right now: "Uh, Sho? You seem to be rather baleful when you do mention religion, so what on earth are you doing in a religion class?" Correction: I like religion. I find it fascinating, in fact. However, my love of religion extends only to the study of it-NOT the practice, as we all know so very well. So, it makes sense. I gleefully scuttled over to my advisor's office (I'm like a permanent fixture of sorts in there) and asked her if it was available at the time I wanted, and wonder of wonders is was, with one catch: I was waitlisted, but I was the first person on the list. Unabashed, I cheerfully went to class today, sat through, took notes...and liked what I was hearing. Very much, the presentation of the class seemed unusually well-suited to me. Plus we were discussing Judaism, a subject of particular interest to me (I've mentioned before why. If you don't know, you don't want to. The end.)...after class, I went up and attempted to get the professor to sign my waitlist sheet...and was told that he could only allow in two (whose names he showed me on the waitlist that featured a distinct lack of Sho), and that 11 had already asked. Basically, you are the weakest link, goodbye. Needless to say I tromped up to nihongo class in a less-than-pleased mood, though Matt's in there too, so my displeasure was softened a bit...after class, I went back to my advisor, and so now I'm in astronomy. Which I was planning on taking anyway, I dig the whole astronomy thing, particularly astrophysics (gotta love it, I suck to levels previously unknown by man at math yet I love astrophysics. I'm pleased to observe that I'm continuing in making just about as much sense as I usually do.), plus Matt's in the class...yes, I now have one class that Matt is not in. Actually, this was the only one that was intentional, as we'd be in the same Japanese classes regardless of whatever has or hadn't happened, and that's not even really the reason for my enrollment in this class. I won't deny that that little fact didn't influence my decision at all, but I'd have taken it eventually, だから...yeah. So, tomorrow is my first day of astronomy. Everything else related to school is going beautifully-Japanese is going well (besides me making a moron of epic proportions of myself from having class at such an hour. Not that it's any earlier than when I would awaken for high school, but I don't do foreign languages, ANY languages with much coherency in the morn.), besides everyone in the class being weirded out by Matt and I (we uh, never previously interacted in any way/shape/form/fashion in class last quarter. At all. Like, we didn't acknowledge one another's respective existences. It wasn't intentional, but we still didn't.). Oh well, they'll just have to live. Still, he comes off to the majority of people as a cold, very deadpan, pretty much emotionless almost quietly threatening guy. Not around me, certainly (though the emotionless thing isn't a farce, he genuinely has trouble expressing emotion facially and/or vocally but we're working on it), but some are rather aghast at what in heaven's name such a very expressive (It wouldn't be far off to describe me as nearly too expressive) little girl is doing with big scary taciturn guy...nandemo, I frankly don't care. Haven't quite seen everyone at school yet, most noticeably Koshi. Yes, I'm wanting to see Koshi. Do you have a problem with it? I'm not worried about anything, concerning him I had previously didn't have nearly the time required to grow into the hulking mind-dominating monster that the Soba thing is. Koshi and I have never been more than friends (despite my wishes at times), and it'll undoubtable stay that way. Hence, I am happy to see my friend. At least he survived the plane trip...?
I suppose I should speak of the Big Scary Large Major Event now. Namely...I'm more than likely not going to Kansai Gaidai. Nor Kobe. Nor Japan. Period. For quite a while. I imagine jaws are dropping, pointing to that one freak-out entry I wrote concerning my setback with the Kobe school, wondering what exactly is going on, seeing as I seemed pretty hellbent on going, determined to manipulate and bend the system within reach of breaking if I deemed it necessary. The reason is this: I am going nowhere. I have no direction. I have no major. Sure, I call Japanese my major, but I'm not at a school where it's offered as such, the best they can do is a Japanese minor, which I will have done more than completed by the end of this academic year. Even if I did obtain a degree in Japanese, there aren't many avenues open to me: Japanese instructor. Translator. I'm not see much else. Perhaps I'm not looking hard enough, but...I want to be fluent. Fluency does not require a degree. So it's not as if I'm giving up on Japanese, far from it. I'm not majoring in Asian studies. There's the issue of my credits that I'd earn there transferring over here, if they even would; I've seen more than a few students currently engaged in battles determining how many credits they do or do not have thanks to studying abroad. But the point I'm trying to state, despite how unlike me it is, is I don't know how much good studying in Japan would do me. Because in all likelihood, I wouldn't come back to the US (permanently, it's not like I'd shun the nation). And never finish college. I've been thinking, worrying, wondering if I should even go to school-I have no major. I have no desire at all to apply to any schools, in state, out of state, on another continent, etc. So right now, my course of action looks to be staying at this school (yes, I'm actually stating this in print if you'd care to document it) and getting a degree in something. Because it's cheap and so am I. It's a bit too close to home for comfort, but I'd be moving to that miserable little town of 8,700 people (the population of my school is 8,600). I'm starting to wonder if I'm going mad, this does not sound at all like me...I fight for what I want, sometimes (usually) stupidly...I fervently hope this isn't going to turn out to be something I regret for oh say, the rest of my life. But it's not like I'm STUCK there, I can certainly leave...still. I'm not entirely used to the idea, I've had it so firmly engrained in my mind "JAPAN IMA JAPAN IMA JAPAN IMA" that's it's difficult to change. Actually, on the bus ride this morning, I had a major pang of fear, telling myself I'm stupid, that I'm missing my chance...and then I thought on it. What chance? The Japanese schools are not going anywhere. Neither is the study abroad office. And then I realized the real reason I was freaking out: people are going somewhere. Specifically, one person who is in absolutely no need of being mentioned. Have you noticed it always comes back to him, whatever the issue is? What a fine mess I've devised. So I told myself to get a grip, it's not an option PERIOD, that if that's the best reason you can see to return with such haste it's not good enough. Screw my being happy there, happiness doesn't buy you food and shelter, but an education and a degree does...this doesn't sound like me. Misha, you're right, I don't know what's going on. Has reality finally set in, destroyed the pleasant little world in which I formerly existed? I used to have such resolute plans, everything arranged so painstakingly in their nice little metaphorical rows and columns...I think I've finally traced back to when reality decided to take all my carefully arranged breakables and smash them at the floor, laughing and daring me to put them back together again. Which I didn't. The root of all this was June 2000. The first Japan trip. It's been weird ever since, and during/following this year's Japan trip the acid trip of my life has not let up. So yeah. That's what's going on.
Well, that was our nice dramatic earth-shattering life-altering bit of news for the day, wasn't it. Oy, I'm trying hard not to think about it, but it's not working when every professor you know tells you they're ready to send in your letter recommendation at your behest. But I think we should change subjects, it's getting a bit weird in here.
A bit of random news that may interest Misha-chan and others keeping up with her and my Japan exploits, today in conversation class we were segregated into groups, mine including a Chinese girl who speaks fluent English and quite good Japanese and an American guy who speaks freakishly excellent Japanese, いな。 Anyways, when I was just absently looking around the room, something caught my eye: a line of green embroidery on the sleeve of his long white shirt. I looked closer and it read "Ichinishi" (to those of you not in the know, that's Misha's Japanese high school). I immediately asked him if he'd attended there (no, he randomly went to Japanese and stole some Ichinishi kid's shirt), to which he responded that he did, two years ago for five months. Crap. I told him I went to Higashi, but I don't think he placed the reference...I'll have to speak to him on Thursday, I wonder where in Nishinomiya he lived...why are irritating strains of "It's a Small World" echoing in my cranium?
Oh, another bit of fun news, today I was formally introduced to one Yoshihito, formally known as the gorgeous Ueda-Clone. Indeed, I saw him at lunch and this one guy who had been in my conversation class last quarter (he came like, twice) was talking to them so I couldn't resist (if you're curious, yes, I am evil) and managed to get introduced. Nothing will come it certainly, but at least I can now place a proper name to that beautiful face. Ye gods, how I love Japanese boys and the delightful lack of testosterone some of them exhibit.
chronos
・kairos
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