Not anorexic.
２月５日（火）
・20:47
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Music o' The Entry: "Sound Life", Trigun
Have talked about this song? Probably, but I'm going to again anyway, especially since we all know how very prone I am to repeating myself, you know you love it. First off, no, I have not watched Trigun-I actually first heard this song while Matt was driving me home one day, and I quite frankly disliked what I heard, found it a bit weird but not necessarily in a good way. Still, the whole "Sooooooooo" part got stuck in my head, so naturally I had absolutely no choice but to download the bugger, which I've quite clearly done and am currently listening to. Do I like it though? Probably, my subconscious is always such a subversive beast. Indeed, no write-up quite yet on the Shadow Hearts OSV, as I'm very nearly done listening through the entire soundtrack for the first time, will complete it tomorrow while on the bus and then I'm certain I shall spew all sorts of guuey madness. Indeed, suffice to say that my comments shall be positive, on certain songs there is some serious digging occurring.
Yesterday was not a good day. Actually, today wasn't, but both are due to my freakish unprecented amounts of freaking out, courtesy my hormones. Oh, that joyous time of the month-today I very nearly walked out of second-year Japanese and quit the entire thing right there, plus college and high school both. But that was only for a second...well, the college/high school thing, not Japanese, that lingered for quite a while. It's dumb, I always feel so inadequate and horrified when called on in that class, can't give the answer to a question I know and basically look like the biggest idiot in a sea of them (and heaven help me are there idiots in that class like you wouldn't believe) and then I go to third-year class and proceed rock via my speech, which is considerably more complicated than anything we're doing in second-year. Waah? Yeah, I don't get it either, but there's little I hate more than drawing ANY attention to myself-ye gods, I deliberately erase and re-write all my answers on our worksheets so it looks like I'm still working, because sensei won't call on you if you're busy with such things. Generally speaking, it works beautifully, but today was simply one of those days in which I did not need it remotely and I got humiliated quite thoroughly. Blah. I suppose I got spoiled having a private tutor, since did not have to embarrass myself in front of anyone...
Yeah, other than that, not doing too well healthwise-big surprise there. Now I have some weird thing to where it's quite painful to swallow, the pain being of the hollow sort and centered around my sternum and chest cavity, which can't be a good thing. Matt insists I visit a doctor, but I'm refraining, for various reasons of my own-suffice to say that in some cases, ignorance is bliss. Besides, it doesn't matter so much, I'll get better eventually.
Things with Matt are going pleasantly as usual, our only issue being that we don't get to see one another as much as we'd like (which is rather sad, because we see each other a minimum of two hours per day five days a week, due to Japanese and astronomy) and that he's having some personal issues that I'm quite frankly helpless to deal with. Ah well, no sense in worrying about things I cannot do anything about (yeah, now try explaining that my brain)...however, I'm kinda worried. Matt and I are also taking the same PE class, and today I went and picked up our worksheets for that class...one of the sheets is on anorexia. Yeah, no need to tell the rest of the story-suffice to say that I fit every symptom on pretty much every list I've ever read disturbingly textbooklike, save for the fact that I KNOW I'm not anorexic, I eat far too much for such things...and also that the symptom lists could explain some things that I've been previously tested for that showed nothing...but I'm not anorexic, anorexics go to special hospitals in Arizona where you have to eat too much and become fat, despite that I seem to be doing an excellent job of that myself, I don't NEED anyone else's help. And I certainly do not belong in said hospital. I'm not anorexic, who on earth would want to say that they have an anorexic girlfriend? Besides, if one day I did say I was, I'm sure I'd just be accused of nihilism as always am, being such a non-comformist and all (please note the thick oozing pus of sarcasm accompanying that statement, at least about non-conformity), always having to be different...but I'm not, so it's not a problem. I'm just a bit concerned as some of my friends and Matt have recently voiced their concern of such things, and I don't want them to be worried of me...but I don't want to be fat either...not anorexic. Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'm 18, my parents cannot send to some sort of hospital even if they'd get the notion in their head...hopefully Matt'll just voice his concern around me. Besides, how many folk like to say that their significant other is mentally ill?
Ah well, I'd love to write more, but like last night I've quite a load of homework to do and REALLY need to go. At least you know I'm alive, ne? Now, off to prevent myself from failing astronomy...perhaps I should go visit my poor professor in his office tomorrow to ask for assistance, it would sadly make his day to know at least one of his Physics 121 students gives a flying rat's arse about his class. またね。
chronos
・kairos
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